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Wednesday
Sep192012

The Elegant President: A Poem for Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney - The Elegant President

I was fascinated by Mitt Romney's honest and thoughtful words in the recent video filmed at a $50,000-a-plate dinner for his donors. And I was sad to hear him say yesterday that he thought he could have expressed himself in a more elegant way.

 

There is nothing more elegant than verse, and so I have taken the liberty of converting Mitt's thoughts into a poem. Feel free to set it to music; perhaps a simple, honest, country tune. (Now that I think about it, the last verse sounds like a chorus to me.) In fact do, what you like with it; I'm giving it as my gift to the world.

 

I know Mitt would disapprove of my failure to make a profit from this; but really, the glory lies in the thoughts he expressed, not in the way I have reworked them.

 

-Julian Gough

 

The Elegant President: A Poem for Mitt Romney

 

It's hard to be rich, ‘cause then poor people bitch ‘bout

Our houses, our cars, and our cruisers.

When I’m king, I won’t do a thing for the whiners

In diners; I don't work for losers.

 

I love you because you just paid fifty grand for a plate

I wish there were more of you great guys to love in each state

Don't worry, I won't do a thing for the folk serving dinner

I'll talk like they're not even here, ‘cause I just talk to winners.

 

No representation without some taxation

That's what the first tea party meant.

I'm the best man that money can buy for this nation;

The poor can't afford presidents.

 

What we need is an elegant country for elegant folk.

Not fuckups in pickups with hiccups from drinking and dope

Who can't afford healthcare, who can't afford dinners like this

Those people aren't drowning, they're waving their communist fists.

 

The president’s not there to help forty seven percent.

I don't care if they starve, I don't care if they can't pay their rent

It's their own fault for borrowing money from people like us.

Trying to own cars, when God meant them to travel by bus.

 

I'll be an elegant president, there for the elegant few.

I'll do what you pay me to do, because I'm one of you.

If Jesus had just paid some taxes, I'd represent him

But he didn't, so fuck him, the loser can learn how to swim.

 

 

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Reader Comments (13)

AWESOME!
September 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJoe
Can't wait to see this set to music. Good work.
September 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMorgan
Thanks. Yes, I'd love to hear it set to music. I hear it as a nasal, 70s country song... Willie Nelson, Kinky Friedman, something like that. But a guy on Twitter said he heard it as rap. Which would be very interesting...
September 19, 2012 | Registered CommenterJulian Gough
Fantastic last line. But what rhymes with 'Mitt'??? Hmm...
September 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLisa
.MR. O. ADDRESSES THE CONFERENCE.

It's no big deal. They're just some little pills.
And if they fail, we'll cut the bastard out.
Your Pope and pedophiles look to the hills.
While we can raise up Marx with just a shout.

We're not afraid of the fumbling Vatican.
Put out some crumbs. You'll eat 'em by-and-by,
'Cuz we foot the bill for all the Mexicans.
I've read your files. Ha! You didn't think I'd lie.

I play the tune, now, you dance, pale face.
Come, genuflect. I want my candles lit--
Bend over in robes of leather or of lace.
Go close your schools. You think I give a shit?

I've got champagne. Don't need no wine nor milk.
Just stick with me. You, too, can fart through silk.
September 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterRobert Klein Engler
This is wonderful - thank you!
September 19, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterCyn
Well done Ju. Parts of it work with Christy Moore's "Hey Ronnie Reagan " .
September 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNJK
Well, it just so happens that Mitt was wrong, it's not 47% that do not pay Federal taxes, it's 49%. While there are many worthy people that should receive Federal help, there are many others that should not receive it, Thus we should look at all our programs and our ability to pay for them and then make decisions. In doing so we should not saddle future generations with debt that will be impossible to pay or will become burdensome. The US should be the land of opportunity not the land of entitlement, be it to the rich via sweet-heart deals and loose banking and Wall Street regulations or the middle class via the mortgage deduction. We are in this together, and together we should deal with the truth of our financial well being and deal with it realistically and with humanity.
September 20, 2012 | Unregistered Commentertainomd@hotmail.com
The majority of the poor are not looking for handouts. They're looking for jobs. Have you seen the around the block lines when even minimum wage places are hiring? 2,000 people lining up for 50 jobs. Have you heard of the working poor? Those who work for minimum wage and are homeless because it's not enough money to pay even basic rent, much less food....and champagne. What these people paid to attend - $50,000 - is way more than a major chunk of people make in a year working their derrieres off. What we need is for these rich people to do is STOP OUTSOURCING, RAISE THE MINIMUM WAGE, IMPROVE JOB BENEFITS AND RESPECT THE AVERAGE HARD WORKER!
September 20, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterSheila
As a Brit I can tell you we love Mitt !!
Gracious comments about our ability to run the Olympics (or not) whilst here as an official guest, were so well received. It may not have been the most elegant piece of international relations perhaps BUT he has really made up for it in this speech.
We so enjoy politicians who say what they think. It is rare and beautiful.
Hopefully in this case may it will make the man unelectable and sink without trace..
September 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLincoln Green 1
As a Brit I can tell you we love Mitt !!
Gracious comments about our ability to run the Olympics (or not) whilst here as an official guest, were so well received. It may not have been the most elegant piece of international relations perhaps BUT he has really made up for it in this speech.
We so enjoy politicians who say what they think. It is rare and beautiful.
Hopefully in this case may it will make the man unelectable and sink without trace..
September 24, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterLincoln Green 1
Hi Julian
Now for the versifying on Obama .... still waiting ....
October 10, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterJohn Hayes
I was really excited to read your poem because I have been writing poems based on some inspiring things Romney has said. I love America, family, and poetry. I don't like potty words. I think there must be a grander way to get your point across. Happy writing. God bless
October 20, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterkelly miller

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